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    Funny Stories

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    1. Stranded Engineer

    2. Understanding Texan Talk

    3. You know you're from Colorado if......

    4. Resignation as an adult

    5. Enjoy Your Life Added 04/01/2003 00:01

    6. Itnersting stduy Added 09/20/2003 01:44

    7. A flower for you Added 01/13/2005 20:11



     

    Stranded Engineer
    -------------------------

    A rather inhibited engineer finally
    splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It
    was the "craziest" thing he had ever
    done in his life.

    Just as he was beginning to enjoy
    himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship,
    capsizing it like a child's toy.
    Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a
    life preserver, managed to wash ashore
    on a secluded island.

    Outside of beautiful scenery, a
    spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was
    little else. He lost all hope and for
    hours on end, sat under same palm tree. One
    day, after several months had passed,
    a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat
    appeared.

    "I'm from the other side of the
    island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?"

    "Yes, I was, " he answered. "But where
    did you get that rowboat?"

    "Well, I whittled the oars from gum
    tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from
    palm branches, and made the keel and
    stern from a Eucalyptus tree."

    "But, what did you use for tools?"
    asked the man.

    "There was a very unusual strata of
    alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the
    island. I discovered that if I fired
    it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
    forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's
    how I got the tools. But, enough of that," she
    said. "Where have you been living all
    this time? I don't see any shelter."

    "To be honest, I've just been sleeping
    on the beach," he said.

    "Would you like to come to my place?"
    the woman asked. The engineer nodded
    dumbly.

    She expertly rowed them around to her
    side of the island, and tied up the boat with
    a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp
    topped with a neat back splice. They
    walked up a winding stone walk she had
    laid and around a Palm tree. There stood
    an exquisite bungalow painted in blue
    and white.

    "It's not much, but I call it home."
    Inside, she said, "Sit down please; would you like
    to have a drink?"

    "No, thanks," said the man. "One more
    coconut juice and I'll throw up!"

    "It won't be coconut juice," the woman
    replied. "I have a crude still out back, so
    we can have authentic Pina Coladas."

    Trying to hide his amazement, the man
    accepted the drink, and they sat down on
    her couch to talk. After they had
    exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me,
    have you always had a beard?"

    "No," the man replied, "I was clean
    shaven all of my life until I ended up on this
    island."

    "Well if you'd like to shave, there's
    a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."

    The man, no longer questioning
    anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved
    with an intricate bone-and-shell
    device honed razor sharp.

    Next he showered -- not even
    attempting to fathom a guess as to how she
    managed to get warm water into the
    bathroom -- and went back downstairs. He
    couldn't help but admire the
    masterfully carved banister as he walked.

    "You look great," said the woman. "I
    think I'll go up and slip into something more
    comfortable."

    As she did, the man continued to sip
    his Pina Colada. After a short time, the
    woman, smelling faintly of gardenias,
    returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned
    out of pounded palm fronds.

    "Tell me," she asked, "we've both been
    out here for a very long time with no
    companionship. You know what I mean.
    Haven't you been lonely, too...isn't there
    something that you really, really
    miss? Something that all men and woman need?
    Something that would be really nice to
    have right now!"

    "Yes there is!" the man replied,
    shucking off his shyness. "There is something I've
    wanted to do for so long. But on this
    island all alone, it was just...well, it was
    impossible."

    "Well, it's not impossible, any more,"
    the woman said.

    The man, practically panting in
    excitement, said breathlessly: "You mean... you
    actually figured out some way we can
    CHECK OUR EMAIL HERE!!??!!"



     

    Understanding Texan Talk
    -----------------------------------------
    Bag : He bagged her not to marry him.
    Daintz : Saturday night entertainment.
    Dinner : What you eat at noon.
    Farred : He got farred from his job.
    Mere : What you see yourself in.
    Orrel : Them hinges need orrel.
    Purdy : She is very purdy.
    Rah cheer : I was born rah cheer in Texas.
    Rat : Do it rat now.......... <-----
    Shar : A light rain.
    Thanks : He thanks he's smart.





     
    You know you're from Colorado if......
    ---------------------------------------------------


    • You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista and Saguache.

    • You think there are only 3 seasons: elk, football, and skiing.

    • April showers bring May blizzards

    • You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look
    closer to see if it's someone you know.

    • 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been, many times.

    • You know who Alferd Packer was.

    • SPF 90 is not out of the question.

    • People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.

    • Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.

    • A full moon has never kept you awake.

    • You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck.

    • Knowing that Texas & California is downstream gives you
    a certain feeling of satisfaction.






     
    Resignation as an adult
    -----------------------------------


    I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

    I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

    I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

    I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

    I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

    I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends
    on a hot summer's day.

    I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors,
    multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you
    didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

    All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the
    things that should make you worried or upset.

    I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

    I want to believe that anything is possible.

    I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the
    little things again.

    I want to live simple again.

    I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork,
    depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money
    in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

    I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace,
    dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

    So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my
    401K statements.

    I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further,
    you'll have to catch me first, cause.............."Tag! You're it."






     

    Itnersting stduy
    --------------------

    Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

    Amzanig, huh?



     
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